I Will Survive

Dear Church.  

By the time you read this note, I will have been long gone.  

It’s not you, it’s me.  I’ve outgrown you.   My heart for others has outgrown your rules and tired dogma.   After 40+ years I am done.

At a young age and many times over, I gave my life to Jesus.    I officially take it back.  It’s been starved, attacked, threatened, humiliated, violated and betrayed…all at the hands of those who claim to be called to tend to “your flock”.    When I struggled, it was because God was punishing me and blessing those who did nothing but rip my life to shreds.   This is bullshit at its finest.  Today, I take my life back to protect my sanity and the well being of my family.    I loved you.  I gave up my education and objectivity because I felt you were the real deal.  At one time, you were all I ever knew.   I followed you with a blind faith.  I allowed myself to be put down because I felt it was the “Christlike” thing to do.    

Because you told me to, I judged and hated.   You said I had a family, but when I needed this family the most they were no where to be found.  Apparently the rules are more important than the love you so falsely claimed was the tie that binds.   Just one lie after another.  

You taught me the Bible was the infallible word of God.   I no longer believe that to be true.  Quite frankly, I am finding it increasingly difficult to believe anything the Bible tells me these days.   What I  have come to believe is that your people put more stock in this book then they do the lives of the countless people who so desperately need to be loved.   Those who are refugees or poor.  Those who may not look like  your people, act like your people or conform to your “articles of faith”.    Those who are the lesser of these.    

I’m tired of hearing constantly that all churches are not bad.  A church is a church.  If what you said were true, I’d see the good churches rise up against the bad churches.  I’ve yet to see this and I’m afraid it never will.    Your blind ambition is starting to reveal your true nature.  The same nature which endorsed slavery, held back women, encouraged racial segregation and viciously attacks those who are gay or transgender.  This isn’t love.  This is vile and disgusting.   No one deserves to be treated this way.   

Don’t’ worry church,   I have some good people in my life who love me for who I am, flaws in all.  I will survive.  As long as I know how to love, I know I’ll stay alive.    

Goodbye, so long and thanks for all the fish.  

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side
But then I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong
And I grew strong
And I learned how to get along
And so you’re back
From outer space
I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face
I should have changed that stupid lock, I should have made you leave your key
If I’d known for just one second you’d be back to bother me
Go on now, go, walk out the door
Just turn around now
‘Cause you’re not welcome anymore
Weren’t you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye
Do you think I’d crumble
Did you think I’d lay down and die?

Oh no, not I, I will survive
Oh, as long as I know how to love, I know I’ll stay alive
I’ve got all my life to live
And I’ve got all my love to give and I’ll survive
I will survive, hey, hey

It took all the strength I had not to fall apart
Kept trying hard to mend the pieces of my broken heart
And I spent oh-so many nights just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry
But now I hold my head up high and you see me
Somebody new
I’m not that chained-up little person and still in love with you
And so you felt like dropping in and just expect me to be free
Well, now I’m saving all my lovin’ for someone who’s loving me
Go on now, go, walk out the door
Just turn around now
‘Cause you’re not welcome anymore
Weren’t you the one who tried to break me with goodbye
Do you think I’d crumble
Did you think I’d lay down and die?

Oh no, not I, I will survive
Oh, as long as I know how to love, I know I’ll stay alive
I’ve got all my life to live
And I’ve got all my love to give and I’ll survive
I will survive

Oh
Go on now, go, walk out the door
Just turn around now
‘Cause you’re not welcome anymore
Weren’t you the one who tried to break me with goodbye
Do you think I’d crumble
Did you think I’d lay down and die?

Oh no, not I, I will survive
Oh, as long as I know how to love, I know I’ll stay alive
I’ve got all my life to live
And I’ve got all my love to give and I’ll survive

I will survive

I will survive